The journey in restoring a house of broken dreams.
As I moved into our new home and closed the “building chapter,” so a new one could begin, I’ve found myself reflecting on the journey that brought me here. I’ve found myself having moments of “Is this REAL LIFE!?!” and “How different I would feel in this home had I not the courage to come face to face with some of my greatest judgments and fears of myself and others along the way.”
I remember as a child, my mother dreaming of building a home into the hill behind our single-wide trailer. It was something she spoke of often and knew exactly how it’d be from the sunken family room style to the frames and saddles on the walls.
Worn graph paper held scribbled floor plans, and we’d dream of what life would be in our dream home.
The memories then shift to the bitterness, resentment, and frustration she felt when these dreams never became her reality. My heart was shattering as we left home and everything I had ever known.
As if the dream died the day we moved away. The farm would require long days of work and bring more frustration, greater despair, and regret to our family, leaving little space for peace and rest. It was like another spoke breaking in the wheel, causing the ride to be harder, and the bumps in the road more jarring.
It’s as if, there, our ability to dream had died, and living in scarcity and survival took its place. For the pain of shattered dreams had become so great, we’d be foolish ever to dream again.
Our new “house” had been neglected for over 40 years. From the roof to the septic & floors, nothing had ever been updated nor repaired. The needed maintenance only magnified a hundred percent when our family of 10 moved in!
The floors deteriorated faster; the holes in the roof seemed to grow with every storm, from drops of rain seeping through the ceiling to a steady stream running into the giant Rubbermaid tub. It was a house that would never really feel like home.
As my husband and I sat down to design our own dream home, I had little to offer, yet I did know how I wanted it to be peaceful, cozy, warm and inviting, I wanted it to feel like home.
At the same time, I remember those first meetings and the dread, worry, frustration, and pain my heart felt as I stood in shadows of despair.
I struggled to accept the first lot I’d fallen head over heels for wasn’t available, and we were moving onto a new lot and area we’d found.
And yet, I see now how the timing of even this was by no accident.
Frustrated by repeating patterns in failing friendships, struggling with health issues, and a failing mind caused me to feel desperately alone. I did my best to make it appear as if I wasn’t hopelessly broken and hurting inside.
As we laid the floor plans of this home, I embarked on a healing journey of my own and the work it would take to heal my mind and my heart.
The journey that’s brought me here hasn’t come without tears, frustration, or pain.
Could it be that the long journey to build this home was the exact time and space my heart needed to heal and begin to open itself up to dreaming again?
It’s not just my dream home, but the journey that stirred the healing and space I would need to experience the peace and beauty of all that it has to offer me.
As I sit here and write this, for the first time, I’m experiencing what it feels like to be “home.” The gift of rest and peace that “being home” can bring to one’s soul. Oh, the many lessons I’ve gained, and in hindsight, I’m thankful for each one.
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned has been taking the necessary action to bring my dreams to life. No longer will I be reliant on others to bring me happiness nor dependent on circumstances for the work to begin.
Do you have broken dreams you’ve given up on? So many dreams crushed, you’ve vowed never to allow yourself to dream again?
If you’re simply tired of being stuck and feel there’s no possible way out- know my heart is FOR you.
Have you given up on the life you’d hoped for and exchanged it for where you are now?
Does the storm never seem to end?
And yet- there’s a whisper deep inside inviting you to consider there could be something more…
If so, I would encourage you to take the first step towards your own journey. Reach out, ask for help. Having experienced the power of this transformational work in my own life, I went through the training to become a coach myself.
I’ve loved standing with others in REAL conversations that open up possibilities and bring power back to places they once felt powerless.